fuck! why won't morpheus connect?! UGH. stupid everything.

all i ate today was junk food. i'm not exaggerating. it was mostly because i spent a lot of time bored on the bus, and when i'm bored, i eat. since the only places available were convenience stores....well you figure the rest out, dumbass. *oh god, i'm sorry...please don't leave! i'm so lonely....* lol

such a bad mood. today was too...shitty. man. there's a big drama going on in my family (extended) and i can't help but feel involved and affected. wait, i guess i am anyways. my mom is taking everything suspiciously well...i think it's because i'm in such a shittiful way. whenever i'm feeling really upset about stuff, she always acts more calm and down-to-earth about the problem. then when i'm feeling all ok and calm, she's the one that needs to be comforted. hahaha it would be fucking hell if both of us were upset at the same time. holy...i don't even want to think about it. i would go into what exactly is going on, but i'm more private about family stuff (umm...make that serious family stuff. anything involving andrew is up for grabs. hahaha) than any other sort of stuff. other than that, i consider myself pretty open and honest about everything.

i was just trying to think of an example to support my last sentence, but for some reason, something else popped into my mind.
...and it was:
today i was watching Zoboomafoo, which if you don't know is the bastard-child of the ex-animal show "Kratts Kreatures". it's basically the same thing but they switched a girl host for a creepy, ugly puppet, and lowered the average age of the target audience. anyways, they were doing a special on chimpanzees, and of course, they had one there to play with. they were comparing human ears and eyes to chimp ears and eyes and stuff and then...

one of the kratt brothers: "and they also like to pick things!"
*camera change to show the chimpanzee picking the kratt brother's nose*
k.bro: "whoa!! hahaha! she's picking my nose!" *chimp is still picking his nose, and he doesn't care*
*chimp removes her finger, and there is a booger on it*
k.bro: "hahahhaa"
*then...brace yourselves....the chimp eats the booger!*
k. bro: "whee! hahahaha"
the lame zoboomafoo puppet: "wow, now that's what i call friendship!"

WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY TRYING TO TEACH THE KIDS WATCHING THE SHOW?!?!?!

ugh. it's making me feel sick again, thinking about it.

carson once wrote:
steph steph steph steph steph steph steph steph steph steph steph steph guess what .....your gay ahha just joking but this e-mail is to see what's up but also to inform you that there'll be a party this thursday at aaron degrrot's just show up but there'll be a big one at ryan corrigan's everyone's invited get directions off victoria sun she's getting directions off tara but only crappy thing about ryan's in that yours truely won't be there i know i know hahahaahahah but it'll be good
how's summer cya steph
carson.,

1/ a) victoria sUn??? what does he think my last name is then?
b) wait...victoria is planning on going to a party? that's really cool, and it'll make it a lot more fun *hopefully..she's so unpredictable!* but this is the girl who says she doesn't go to school dances because she hates seeing people drunk. but people at a party are what? change can be good, and i like when people do stuff out of character, but i was suprised. that's my only point. i'm being hypocritical though. i hate assumptions, but i've been doing it to victoria for as long as i can remember her.

2/ ack. i'm one of those people who feels uncomfortable going to any parties (even ones where no one is invited, they just show up) without being formally invited. i rarely talk to aaron, and i used to really dislike some people in his crowd. i guess since i don't care as much anymore, i shouldn't have an excuse not to go, but parties always feel so fake. maybe it's the people pertending to be drunk; people trying desperately to hook up; everyone sitting on a couch watching tv and pertending it's fun...i dunno...well, not all parties have been bad. robyn's wasn't. but that was so long ago. and neither was christina's...although...i distinctly remember thinking "this sucks major ass...what the hell am i doing here?" and i only started having fun once...aw i don't want to say it. i'll sound so...so...everything i don't like...oh well...i only started having fun once adam was hitting on pple, because it was flattering. ugh. i feel dumb.

3/ did carson just call me gay?

4/ so ryan's hosting a party...smart kid, that one is. *oh look! i talk like yoda!* back when i was really judgemental about everything, i decided that only losers who didn't get invited to other parties were desperate enough to host one. is it really worth the trashed house? i guess if you don't have a life...it is. but then again, that was what i used to think. (heh heh heh. no, really.)

5/ where does aaron live, anyways? meh. i'll have to see if julie is going.

i still haven't played axis n' allies yet. it seems like it'll be sooo boring, but andrew keeps saying it's better than Risk. meh. i was actually about to go for a jog today, which is amazing. i hate running. but i didn't go, so i guess...yeah...nothing else to say there..hahaha i just wasted 3 seconds of your life. the more i listen to the Sheryl Crow CD, the more and more i like it..i love it i love it i love it! if you want to download something from it, download "C'mon C'mon". it's great, and kind of blues-y. the weezer cd is still a meh. i wish they'd go back to more like their pinkerton cd, or the blue album. those songs were fun. instead of all this love shit. damn, rivers. stop being such a wuss. hahaha i miss when matt sharpe was in the band. he was really funny. oh! i heard that radiohead has wizened up and they're also going back...to the style of music before O.k. computer. so more awesome songs like the ones off The Benz. damn, that is one amazing cd...i'm really glad they're over all their experimental shit.

as you can see, my attempt to stop swearing isn't going to well tonight. ah well..we'll see.

my conan o'brien t-shirt fits funny. sometimes it'll look ok, but then sometimes it'll look like i'm wearing it backwards.

hahaha rosco is sooo cute! he's sitting on the couch facing the computer, and sitting ontop of the remote. birds are fun. he has a thing for shiny black things. and the remote is like, his best friend. he attacks people who try to take it when he's hanging around it, and he'll sing to it sometimes. i remember once when i was talking to shannon over MSN, and he was sitting on the printer. it was late, so he was slowly drifting to sleep. but it was weird because he wouldn't close both his eyes at the same time, and he'd keep opening them, then slowly closing them again. it looked like he was winking at me, and it was really hilarious. aww bird. *that isn't rosco, but it's the same type of bird. rosco is a little fatter though. or should i say "jolly"?

how does everyone find those weird online quiz things? they're funny.

i need to write sharon back. i really like getting emails (Even those survey things. sometimes they're interesting and funny. but NO CHAIN LETTERS!) but i hate writing back. it's just a hassle, and i don't like boring people. ah well. i'll write her back sooner or later. speaking of chain letters, jake sent me the fucking funniest parody on chain letters ever. i'll post it up if i find it. a sample: "please help send this to 10,000 people so that a girl from Keplashijaian with a breast growing out of her forehead can have it removed before her white trash hick parents sell her to the freak show." *sigh*

man, paul shaffer is an annoying son of bitch. i can't believe he's canadian. just kidding. seriously though, sometimes i get the feeling dave letterman is thinking "what the fuck was i thinking?". max weinberg is the only cool music director on late night shows.

it's so fucking annoying when people play mind games. i'm talking about when they want you to ask them/do something because they want attention/to tell you something but they won't just come out and say it. compliment fishing is an example, if you don't know what i'm talking about, but right now i'm thinking about when i got really mad at victoria back in first semester. i'm only thinking about it because i'm listening to "lonely girl" -pink right now. remember? the note? the lyrics? the frustration? yeah, i know you do.

maybe i shouldn't talk about my friends on this...maybe i shouldn't do a lot of things i do, but who the fuck cares. aiee. slipping back into my bitchy mood that i started this blog in....

the following quote is dedicated to sharon : "well, i'm off to musicland. hear ya there!!" lol, i still laugh about that. that trip was fun. the more i look back on it, the more fun it seems like it was.

a conversation andrew and i had not too long ago.

andrew : "hey, look at this" *holds out his hand, which has huge twoonie sized blisters on them*
me: "holy....ew....what are they from?"
andrew *all proud* : "i....cut down three trees yesterday."
me: "you're mean. mama!! pingping cut down three trees yesterday!!!"
mom off in a different room, and genuinely horrified: "you kill trees???"
andrew: "...they were going to be cut down anyways.."
me: "what was it for?"
andrew :" i was bored. it was fun! "
me: "you kill trees for fun? haha you hunt trees for sport."

andrew:"i feel so manly."

my family is fun. when chris and mark were still at home, all four of us would play Super Smash Brothers, and we'd get so into it. i'm really glad i have brothers. i'd rather have them than sisters, since i hear sisters can get so catty and bitchy and scratchy, and steal your clothes, but sometimes i wonder what it'd be like to have a sister. preferably older. i have a feeling younger siblings are big pains in asses (heh heh heh...). i might be wrong, but for some reason, i always think having a whole bunch of sisters would probably make you more shallow than if you had a whole bunch of brothers. just because girls worry more about stuff like that, sometimes. actually...i don't know...because julia has a bunch of sisters (lol, two. but it seems like more) but she's not really shallow. hmm...that's a ponderable one.

HOW TO MAKE 20 SECONDS LAST 5 HOURS

it's 9:32am right now. if i had woken up 20seconds earlier than i did, i would be home this minute. instead, i'm still in toronto, and i'm at mark's computer. the tennis masters of canada thing last night was ok...i saw Pete Sampras play Wayne Ferreira (i KNOW that's probably spelt wrong...) but it was the centre court game (most popular) so we didn't have the greatest seats. everyone who went was mark, me, and 2 of his friends, tanya and theresa. anyways, there was some old guy beside me who kept shouting the lamest things like : "common' pete! bring on the heat!" and "release the weapon!!". and he kept making slurping sounds, like he was sucking a lemon or something. i didn't want to look at him. it was the 2nd time i went to a live tennis tournament with big names, but i didn't realize how noisy they are now. not while the guys are actually playing, but inbetween, while we're waiting for a serve and stuff. theresa and i cheered for wayne to piss off everyone else, since most wanted pete to win. he did, but barely. mark kept saying "go wayner!" *say it outloud, you'll get it.* it was hilarious, but no one could figure out if he was making fun, or if he was actually cheering.
then we saw some other games. half of dominique sha....something...he was from slovaquia, and roddick's game. then we saw raff vs. nador, which was hilarious because of the cheers and chants for nador (he's canadian). you could tell raff was getting pissed off, but who wouldn't be?

so back to why i'm still in toronto....
i was supposed to catch the 6:20am bus back home so that i could get home in time for my harmony lesson (which i actually wanted to go to...my exam is in 10 fucking days!!). so i left the house with 40 minutes to make it to the bus station, but as i was walking down bayview avenue, i saw the bus i was supposed to catch, just maybe...50metres away from me pull into the bus stop. so i kept walking at regular pace, since i figured if i missed it, another bus would come soon. plus i was fucking tired, i had only gotten 4 hours of sleep. turns out the next bus wouldn't come until 30 MINUTES later!!!! AAAGH. by the time i got on the subway, i was already late, and the bus had already left. so once i got to the bus station, i got a ticket for the next bus (not until 1pm. jesus!) and i tried to sleep in the chairs. this of course, was impossible thanks to : cramps from leaning to one side too long; bratty kids who will not cease to tug on your sleeping bag strings; extreme hunger pains; a damn jean skirt with a slit up the front which rides up when you sit for too long. so i came back here, and the rest is history. my legs are so fucking tired. and i'm suprised i'm not passing out with sleep-deprivation, but i actually feel pretty alert.

i still need to call and cancel/postpone my lesson. i feel so bad, i haven't even finished the book yet, even though i could have 3 weeks ago. hopefully, andrew will feel my pain, and he will call for me. i don't want to call home to tell what's up, just yet though. mark's room is kind of sweet. it has a lot of fun stuff in it, but it smells bad too. hahaha it's probably because of me, actually. i haven't gotten a chance to shower yet. but that's next on my to-do list. (ew, i'm gross. i think that's the 4th time i've called myself that in this blog. hahaha not a good sign!)

i almost started crying on the subway ride home. now, a lot of people don't understand that when i cry, it's usually not because i'm sad. whenever i get really frustrated, upset, and pissed off, i cry too. these were angry tears. and they only started when i asked the subway guy for 2 tokens, since the token machine was broken. he said "we don't sell two tokens" and i thought he was joking, so i gave a "half-smile-half-jesus, why won't you just give me the tokens." but he took one of my loonies, and gave me back 4 quarters, and told me to just pay $2.25 and go in. so i did, and at that point, i was so fucking tired of the whole morning, and i just wanted to be at home, and doing my harmony. i teared up, but i didn't cry, although a spot of tear-juice (what else do i call it?) got on my glasses. which i wiped off, and some jackass kept looking at my sleeping bag. i walked around for sooo long with that sleeping bag, shopping and stuff (the shopping was yesterday), since it was too far to go to mark's so i just carried it with me. ugh, i wish i didn't come to the tennis thing. it wasnt' worth it. it wasn't that exciting, except for the end of the raff/nador match. and that was only because we snuck into the expensive seats. they had cushions!

well i don' know waht i'm going to do to kill time until 1. if i miss this bus....i'll freakin' go on a rampage, and hijack a bus and force them to take me home.

"take me home" that reminds me of dope nose, which reminds me of how i bought 2 new cds.
maladroit - weezer
c'mon c'mon - sheryl crow.

both are a little above average meh, but maybe it was just my shitty mood that made me not into it at the time.

i'm going to try calling andrew now, hopefully he's home.
he was trying to teach me Axis & Allies. it's almost like risk, except that you have to be a lot luckier to win. instead of high-rolls being a good thing, you have to get a specific number, but usually low rolls. plus it takes a lot longer to set-up/play. we spent an evening just setting up and relearning rules, then we had to save it to play on another day. he's probably going to win. i've never played before, and i'm the Axis, which i hear...always loses. (no, really, that's what they say. i'm not being a smart-ass).

"Blown Wide Open" by Big Wreck. it's my ultimate "pity me!" song, but it's not pathetic or anything like that. the best part is near the end, when he stops singing, and the guitars start out quieter, then get louder and louder, then the drums too. it's the best.

i went to the dentist's today. he talks a lot, but at least he takes his fingers out of your mouth when he expects you to say something in reply. for a while, i was really obsessed with white teeth, and making sure mine were as white as they could be. then i didn't even finish my crest whitestrips. they're amazing though, they really work! pretty expensive though...anyways, when i was there, i told the dentist how we're going to bob dylan for my mom, and when i was in the waiting room, waiting (what else?) for andrew, the assistant came out and handed me an article on bob dylan. it was as boring as hell, but the thought was reallyreally sweet. when the secretary saw me with it, she told me to flip it over, and i did and it was an article on some pop/opera singer. the secretary started panting like a dog and going "pretty hot, eh? heh heh heh" it was hilarious. the dentist had these scrapbooks in his office too. i was looking though it, and there were articles on all his patients from when they were in the paper (lame community stuff), and i was in there a few times. it was all swimming stuff, and they had a picture of my swim team when i first joined. i must have been 9. i was so small!! robyn and courtney were still on the team back then, and we were at the craptastic 3 lane-not even 25 metre old pool. kevin had a lot more hair back then...it seems. i dunno. it made me feel sad (seeing the old pics, not kevin's hairline) that i've pretty much stopped swimming, and no one expects me to be as good as they used to expect me to be. wasted talent or something like that....ugh. but that makes me want to swim more.

BANANANAAAAA BANANANAAAA...ahh Beethoven's 5th.


Strawberry: 30/100 Pear: 20/100 Banana: 60/100 Tomato: 10/100 Lemon: 10/100

Take the What Fruit Are You? test by Ellen and Aaron!

at first i couldn't tell those were bananas. they're so shmawww!! (small.) it's amazing though. lemons really are my enemy. i have little lemons on little shishkabob skewers all over my room to serve as a warning to all the other lemons.

I'VE GOT THE PISTOL / SO I'LL TAKE THE PASOS

woo! 2 days till the Tennis Masters in toronto! it's gonna be goodé goodé. mark is cool, he's the one that got the tickets. i wonder if he expects me to pay him back...he still has to pay me back for the Bob Dylan tickets. hmm funny, that was the same day as the Jimmy Eat World Concert. *sigh* damn you hamilton! why can't you have a cheap direct way to get to your crappy town! listening to "Your House" by the JEW band. man, their early stuff really sucks ass, but their bleed american cd is great. three thumbs up! (darn polluted waters).

my mom is gonna be sooo happy when she finds out we're taking her to see Bob Dylan!! she knows there's a suprise, but there's no way she's gonna suspect it's this! oh shit! i hope i didn't lose the tickets...uh oh....nah, i'll be ok.

i saw "robin hood" the real version (with kevin costner) today. the maid mariam reminds me too much of mrs.storms. i think mr.storms would agree, since he always makes his eng class watch it. hehehee...ew. lol

so...lil' ol chantale is dating tall adam...but not the REALLY tall adam...i guess the relatively-medium sized adam. ha ha
that reminds me how i've never had an official boyfriend (exception: kindergarten. oh, that's right. i started young! SKANK! hahaha ouch. did i just diss myself? god, i need sleep.) but i'll like people a lot, then suddenly stop, as soon as they like me, or around then. i remember talking to kim a while ago when we were roomates. she's the same way! when i say it outloud, it sounds like i've got really low self-esteem, and that i do that just to raise it, but i swear! it's not that! i think it's just me being a lame-o. ugh, i don't even want to think about boys, and boyfriends, and dumb stuff like that. i hate how because of all those teeny magazines (i'm a hypocrite. i still sometimes buy them) make me feel superficial and ignorant to real problems in the world whenever i think about stuff that is considered to be stuff teenage girls only care about (like that stuff in the mags) because i know that the magazine is superficial and dumb, but i still sometimes will buy one. why? why?! *sigh* it's like an addiction. i get friggin' embarassed buying them. especially when it has lame cover stories....ie: "top 5 jeans...that describe your personality!"...and "10 secrets to getting a boyfriend by friday!". i made those up just now. but i bet they're some where out there....in my magazine pile. DARDARDAR!!!!

carson is a fool. i should tell him that i'll go along with the "you shave your head, i'll shave my head" deal. but he won't see me until 2nd semester, so i won't do it. nah, he's probably thinking the same thing. poo

"Banditos" by The Refreshments. i think i keep recommending this song without noticing it. agh, why do all the good bands break up??

SHAKE IT THE WAY YOU WANT IT

Andrew just brought Rosco (the bird) to me to say goodnight before he (rosco...and andrew, i guess) went to bed (umm...rosco to his cage.) yeah, that's right. we give our bird a goodnight kiss. whaddaya gonna do about it? yeah..that's right. bitch-ass. ok so anyways, when he brought it over, i breathed my gross 1am breath on it. it was quite amusing. alright...that sounded less disgusting in my head, than it does typed out. moving along...

I just won the most intense Risk game ever. woo hoo, go black army! actually, everyone else just forfeited. it was funny because i always roll at least a 6 or a 5 (that's good), but only if i roll it a certain way (into the box top). *the secret is in making sure you have clammy hands..hahaha, don't tell anyone!!* and andrew was flipping out, so he said it wasn't fair that we had to roll into the box, and that he always rolls "boggle style" (puts the dice in a lidded box, and shakes the box, then slams it down.) but i swear, he cheats somehow because he would always get at least a 6 or a 5 that way. so we compromised, and we made a new "shake-it-the-way-you-want-it" rule. hahahhaha

"go black army". that reminds me of the movie "Army of Darkness" with Bruce Campbell. it's such a fucking (oops...ah whatever.) funny movie!! ahh...put some sugar on it...baby. i'm lame. i don't even know if that's how the line goes. i was making fun of Mark because i found a copy of it in his room, but then he was like "so what? it's a good movie." me: "hmm...i see what you're saying. i agree." it was the debate of the century, i tell ya.

so this weekend, i spent it all in toronto with my mom. andrew was supposed to come, but he's an "ass." SO! we even tried to go to a World Youth Day thing. actually, my aunt (we call her Yee-Ma. literally: second mom. but it means second oldest child on my mom's side of the family, who is a female and older than my mom) who is really religious registered for the WYD vigil (an over night thing. the pope was gonna be there for a bit) and got 3 tickets. she's from London (england) and has a big thing for the pope. her house is full of paintings she made of him, and books on him, and letters to him...i could go on...but i already have. anywho, we (mom and i) didn't really want to go so we stalled until we were late, and Yee-Ma (aka Auntie Doreen) left already. then we felt bad, and wanted to go. man, we're so immature. then my mom wanted to go to Downsview Airport to see if we could get into the vigil. and then i didn't want to go again. but in the end, we decided it wasn't worth to stay if we weren't going to stay overnight. which we weren't. so we planned to go to the Papal mass the next am, but we didnt' go because when we woke up, it was raining like the dickens. so we watched it on tv, and all was well. my mom is in a huge fight with Auntie Doreen and Uncle ....umm...how embarassing. i don't know his real name...but i call him Sam-Kow-Fu. loose translation: third oldest on my mom's side; is a male, and is older than my mom. i'd go into why, but it's long and complicated. let's just say he was a total asshole to Chris, and Chris almost lost it, and it sounded like it was fuckin' scary. Chris is so peaceloving and everything...or he used to be. he's still cool, and nice, but he's been teaching me ways to beat people up, and to scare people ("stare at them until they stop smiling...but dont' do this to people with guns or stuff. they'll just shoot you.") but i think i got those bases covered. i can dance!! not only will it scare the shit out of everyone, my flailing arms will be enough to knock everyone unconscious!! woo hooo!! no, but seriously...yeah. i have nothing else to say.

i've been thinking a lot about the Waterfront Pagent lately. i think it's seeing all the traditional dress at the World Youth Day celebrations. i've decided my cheongsam (literally: long shirt; really means: the traditional chinese dress that chinese women wear now-a-days) is going to be pale gold, with gold embroidery (prolly asian-looking flowers or some shit....not literally...you know what i mean) and i've decided on probably no sleeves. 1/ because i'm convinced cap sleeves don't look that great on me, unless they're longer than usual, and 2/ because it's a friggin' $50 extra to get the darn things.
i'm still searching for the perfect fan, and the perfect ribbons/flowers to wear in my hair.
goddamit! i'm so fucking shallow!! ah who cares. vanity is fun. wheeee!!

speaking of all things vain....
i was talking to andrew (on friday), and later chris (today) about this: we talked about how we both noticed that in 99% of all asian couples, the girls lose out. in the sense that (ok...don't slap me for being so shallow) the guys are always really skinny, ugly, balding...but at least they have nice cars. but neways, as i was saying, and the girls don't seem like they would go for them. if it weren't for the money. of course, this is all from looking in on the outside. it could show that the girls are just less shallow than others.....or MORE shallow...hmm. what a pickle. *sigh* but hot asian guys are so hot....there's never an inbetween. alright...that's enough of that. all guys are great! except for jerks...damn them!

back to the Risk game...
i had turned the tv to dilbert to try to distract andrew because he actually thinks it's funny. and during the game, i did this really loud, evil laugh at his dice or something, because he rolled 2 ones. then as soon as i stopped, the guy on dilbert did a big long evil laugh, which was exactly the same to what i just did. CRAZY, NON?

my mom got in a fight with this guy from the meat department at the Chinese supermarket. it was insane! i've never seen her so mad! she was swearing at him in chinese and everything!! then chris stared at him, which added some creepiness to the whole scene. all in all, it was a very exciting experience.

mike called me. i haven't called him back. i hope he doesn't read this....maybe i should erase this line...nah, i'll take a risk. someone from the last name "ward" called me too. ward is a pretty common name. i don't think it's nathan. why the hell would it be nathan? my thinking is all screwed right now. god, i'm starved! time for a midnight feast! à-la Shannon Paxton style. hahahha

song of the day: anything from the Radiohead CD, "the Benz". let's say...."high and dry". good song. i heard it's about a motorcyclist whose family wants him to stop motorcycling because it's dangerous, but he won't. i dunno if it's true though, chris heard that through a hardcore radiohead friend, but i can't tell by listening to it. eitherway, it's a good song!!

p.s. i stopped adding links because shannon pointed out how sad it was getting. thanks to shannon! i see the light! plus it was getting hard to find what i was looking for. oh the pain...(do i end all my blogs with that or what?)

Take the Disney Villain Test Now!!

i'm the evil queen from Snow White? hm. my description says...basically that i'm really vain and self-absorbed. oh who asked you anyways?!
hee hee hee...ah yes. everything is falling into place...

ugh! it pisses me off so much when people try to create an image of themselves. it's so fake, and really sad too. but i'm not naming any names...

It seems like lately, the military has been putting out really effective ads. everyone i talk to has confessed to some sort of urge to go join it. if i had to, i'd join the air force. heh heh heh planes are cool. (k, i don't know what that was. let's start again..) i've been browsing random blogs, and i noticed that in about 80% of them, the author'll call themselves insane. my hair is getting really long. and i ran out of contacts, so i've been wearing my old glasses lately. i don't mind them as much anymore, but then again, i always let go of any sort of personal grooming in the summer. (my record for grossness: one week spent indoors always in my pyjamas. and i'm not talking about hugh hefner) i don't know what it is. no, i exaggerate. i'm not really THAT disgusting (though the week spent indoors is a true story) i just have things to do during the day. hahaha what a lie. my to-do list: watch trading spaces, all the ______ stories from TLC, and whatever trashy daytime talk show, then NBC latenight, indispersed with hours of playing Final Fantasy 7 and final fantasy 3 *nerd? yes i agree. now excuse me while i adjust my pocket protector.
i was talking to andrew about how this is the summer which we've been living the most unhealthily, and we realized how bad it's getting. since i went to new york, i haven't gone to any soccer games, and they used to be the reason for my summers. he doesn't exercise anymore, but at least he's been building furniture and chopping trees and such for my dad. we've both been loosing weight, but gaining fat. i guess our muscles are turning to mush or something. ah well. nothing i'm willing to do about it!
I downloaded "Steve McQueen" by Sheryl Crow, but in the middle of it it switches and plays a clip from some Shania Twain song, and this other country song. i don't know if it's supposed to be like that. i guess it is, but this wasn't even the song i wanted to get. i thought it was something else, then i didn't delete it. i'll ask chris to figure everything out; he has the CD, and he's a big music buff. poor chris. a lot of shit happened to him suddenly. it's not fair, he's a good guy now. we used to fight all the time, and i remember reminding myself to never talk to him again *ohhhh,he'll be sorry...he'll be sooo sorry...* but as if that worked out. for god sakes, i was probably 10 when i promised myself that.
i've taken to eating things raw. for example, yesterday i ate a piece of raw onion, and i actually liked it. it wasn't even in a salad or anything. then today i kept eating uncooked asparagus while my mom was trying to cook them. it was fun. i'm so very very sneaky. then there's my love of sushi...
andrew went to the sidewalk sale today with Chris P. luckies!! i dont know why i keep going back every year. i never buy anything. must be those duch cloggers. they're so addictive. ew. i just remembered this time that some guy tried to pick me up from there...his name was Vail or something, and i remember it was embroidered onto his shorts. i think he was a cadet or something, there for some cadet summer training thing. my mom was so mad when i told her about it. i remember vail asked if i was from around there, and i said "yeah, i live somewhere up there" and i waved my arm in the direction. then i ran back to mark and my mom, who for some reason didn't tell him to go away or anything. then i told my mom how he asked if i was from around here, and i said yeah, and she flipped. awww mom's so funny. but she was right. i'm so paranoid now, it's really unhealthy. the whole vail thing was extra creepy because he said he saw me at the pool the day before. and i remembered how when i was leaving swim practice, some guy was waving at me as if he knew me. who the hell tries to meet girls like that?? *sigh* i always get the freaks. just kidding.
hahah that reminded me of how today i thought i saw steve at the parking lot of A &P. (it wasn't). but it was some guy who had the same beat-up bugger car as steve, and my mom was really freaked out. she's like "he's soooo skinny....probably a drug addict...oh man, i'm so creeped out..." and we just sat there in the car. she was moving all slowly, so i had to wait for her. the guy in the car was probably like "whooa...they're so weird...why won't they get out of the car?...oh man, that's scary".
shannon's so lucky! she's got the coolest wardrobe and purse. since i thought her pants were half cords, half denim, i'm on the lookout for a pair that are like that. (turns out hers weren't). i wish i could spend money too, but i just got new frames, new contacts, and i have to save up for the trip to China. oh the pain! my life is so horrible!!!! hahaha

man, this is definately the summer of decomposing for me. the only time i went outside in the past week was to go to the car. wait, that's not true. i mowed the lawn, but since i had accidentally gotten gasoline on my finger (yeah..don't ask) and spilt some on the mower, that was all i could smell. no fresh air for me; i'll take the dead brain cells, thanks.
last night was so boring, it was funny (literally). Andrew and I went with mom to the practice to help type for her while she did some paperwork. but mostly it was just to keep her company, because she's been having a bad time with the practice lately. so anyways, we wanted it to cheer her up, and she's always trying to convince us to go with her to the office ("it'll be like a party! we can play loud music and eat the chocolates that patients send in!") so we brought food along, and we actually did play music. even though at first it was all her Bob Dylan stuff, then some Vivaldi, then Pachebel, then a mixed CD i made 2 years ago for when Emma and I were running for Student Council. We brought a bunch of food (a lot of junk food, but also some grapes, for some reason.) and Andrew was really bored. he was typing as my mom dictated, and it is enough to drive someone insane (trust me, i've done it) so he was eating some grapes, and he announced that he was "going to eat the last of the grapes" then he started laughing really hard. we didn't get it, so he said "you know...like the last of the mohicans" then he took the grape, put it on the side of the bowl and said *gravely, serious voice* "what are we to do about this..white man?". then i said "you loser! that's going into my online journal!" which made it all funnier. and here i am, actually putting it into my blog. yikes.

i think that if the blogs are too long, no one will read them. *at least, that's what i do when i read other people's blogs*. but the long ones are always the most interesting ones. obviously, i really want people to read the one about mainstream shit. those people really get to me...damn...

On the use of the word: "Mainstream"
my god. you have no idea how much it bothers me when people use the word mainstream as an insult. yeah, i'm talking to all you wannabe "oh look at me, i'm so punk" jackasses. mainstream could be anything, and if you use it like it's a bad thing, you're just proving you're...ok...i can see this is going to get confusing. so let's use a make-believe example....
Joe the dirty-ass fawker says "oh my god...you listen to Britney Spears? she is sooo mainstream."
alright. so of all the things about britney spears he could have bashed on, he doesn't like her cause everyone else likes her. *i know no one likes her anymore (at least not publicly), but bear with me.* Joe goes on to say, "yeah...the Ramones is what's cool. they're different." he's only saying that he likes the ramones cause not everyone our age listens to them. but there are a lot of people who like them, and if they were suddenly as popular and overplayed as b.Spears, they'd probably change and be like "oh...the ramones are sell outs (just cause they're popular). britney spears is what's cool". fucking dumbasses! everything is a form of conforming. even non-conformity. haven't you heard so many punkers go to another punker and tell them that they're not "punk" enough? what the fuck is "punk" enough? and furthermore, who the fuck cares??? jesus, can't you people just live and let die? let people be who they want to be! they're not hurting anyone. honestly, this all comes back to insecurities. anyone who bashes on anyone else for no reason, (correction...no good reason), who is conceited/stuck up/and tries to let everyone know, who is mean, who is snotty...etc...is basically suffering from insecurities, in one form or another. think about it. it fucking pisses me right off. the only people who i can honestly not stand, are those guys that go around school, playing guitars *that mysteriously came from no where. what losers..they brought a guitar to school, just so they could play it for less than 5 minutes during breaks*, preaching to people to end child labour by not wearing Gap or American Eagle Outfitters (seriously, this won't change anythign. if they were serious about ending child labour, they'd look into the subject, find out that child labour isn't as common as they'd think; concentrate on a worse issue, such as women's labour issues, or famines; maybe even figure out a way to solve it all; or maybe just fucking writng a letter; starting a campaign at school...nah, that wouldn't make them look as worldly, or superior), trying to be all non-conformists, and dissing conformists, and other non-conformists alike, then deciding that "oh...their lives are so horrible and impossible...no one understands them...forget the AIDS epidemic in Africa, or starving children around the world...my life is what everyone should schedule themselves around". AAAAAGH. they've never done anythign to me...but it really gets to me for some reason...more than the skanks or the dirts...i dunno, maybe i'm just insecure (jk...or am i?...bwhaha)

*i actually respect britney spears. i know josie'll shit on my head for this, but really. she's gotta be really cool-headed to be so young, and to do her thing, and to not let the press get to her. can you imagine how much hate mail she must be getting? plus the whole manufactured-bands phenomenon is about to die away...hopefully for good. so yeah, she's cool. granted, she's skanky, a hypocrite, and can't make a song worth a bucket of shit...but she's cool.

I bought a pair of glasses yesterday. i know i said i'd get buddyholly/catglasses, but i went the total opposite, and got the glasses that are rimless, and only have the bridge and the ear stick thingies. i guess they're supposed to look like i'm not wearing glasses, but then it looks like i'm wearing a stick on my nose, and two sticks on my ears. it's fun! (hahaha). i went shopping at Pacific Mall, which is an all-asian mall (not on purpose, it's just in Scarborough, which is mostly asians). and i asked the girl if i could try on some plastic frames, and she's like "umm...yeah...you could." then she just sits there (she's supposed to get the frames for me; they're behind glass). so i ask again, and she says "well...how about these ones? (the ones i got) the plastic ones wouldn't go well on your face. i can tell!" so i kept bugging her for plastic ones, then when i finally put some one, it was hideous. i spent an hour trying on thousands of plastic frames, just to prove her wrong, but it was useless. aghhh you can never win against those eyeglass salespeople!!

Mark is a god! i was supposed to go to a weezer concert a while ago, but i went on the UN pilgrimage trip instead. so he felt bad, cause i was going with him, but he went anyways (of course..i mean it's weezer for cripes sake). so he got me a weezer band shirt!!! it's so fucking kick ass. it's got a picture of a panda lifting weights on it. i love it! i llove it i lllllove it! *she kicks the air and falls off her chair*

i'm not feeling as sad anymore. i think i'm getting over it, or else i'm starting to forget the memories...which is also a bad thing. oh well.
i'm going into toronto today to see if i can find me a pair of eyeglass frames. i have the perfect pair imagined in my mind...buddy holly nerd glasses/cat-glasses shape/no rhinestones or any frills like that/plain black. finding a good pair of glasses is nearly impossible, believe you me. contacts are so much better, but they're money-guzzlers too. my mom and i are going to Pacific Mall. it's an all asian mall, and it's insane in there. it's really huge, and everything looks alike, since there isn't really any design to it. my mom says it's a lot like market in Hong Kong. Speaking of HK; i guess i'm not going to be going there this xmas. which is probably all for the best, since saving money is cool (according to the wal-mart commercials). i'm still going to China for march break though, which is gonna be either really fun, or really unhealthy (just kidding! go china!). i'm looking forward to the "toilets" aka: holes in the ground. Emma and Dayna are still in Québec for that french program. i bet they're having a lot of fun. Dayna wrote me an email, but i haven't written back yet: i just don't feel like it. i still have her driver's ed book too!! it's funny. Stupid Devon got her G1 before me!!! what the fuck is wrong with today's world?! i'm promising myself that the only thing i'm going to do next week is get my G1 (lol, notice how i put it off until next week? ah well...what can you do...don't answer that.)

change of address...
it's lemon_sunrise.blogspot.com
NOT lemonsunrise.blogspot.com

i have a confession: i absolutely adore popping zits. and i'm pretty good at it now too. i have a whole system, and i can recognize when a zit is ready to be popped. no more scars/scabs for me (sigh...i wish). no, but i remember this one time a long time ago when i started getting zits. i squeezed my nose so much that i left scratches on it. there was no way to cover them up, so i told everyone that someone kicked me in the face at swimming. hahaha and everyone believed me too! i can't wait for devon or melissa to read this and find out the truth, since they're probably the only ones who remember this.
i was thinking...isn't it strange how people say "i think" when they're not sure? i.e.: "thanks for the compliment...i think..."

p.s. "Companion" by Wide Mouth Mason. it reminds me of camping...and beach parties...but it's a really good, mellow song.

blogger is full of shit. damn, none of my web thingies are working...looks like i'm going to have to revert back to being a normal human being; going outside; hanging out with friends...

*my pet bird, Rosco is so destructive. it's scary! he just pushed a pile of cds to the floor. he's not even that big! just a cockatiel. he's broken two dinner plates before, from pushing them off tables. but he's scared of oranges though, which is funny.
*DEVON SIOUI HAS A CLOSET FULL OF SEX BITCHES! it's hilarious. i would have thought her to be the last one to do this, but she's such a player! (lol "man-eater") she's got this "friend with benefits" and she doesn't even have any regrets about it. i'm gonna buy her a gold pimpin' cane, leopard-print bedsheets, gold fillings, and a fuschia hat with a peacock feather in it; all for her next birthday.

it feels like everyone has been copying me lately. it really bothers me, but then again, don't we all want everyone to be more like us?

* the UN pilgrimage was friggin' fun. what i don't like is when people ask me how it was; it's tiring retelling all the stories, and you know that it's impossible to show them how great it was, or how you miss the whole thing. i still want them to know though, it's helping me to remember everything if i keep telling it over and over. i feel funny though...i don't even know what emotion this is...
*my life has pretty much organized itself again..or rather, quieted down. but i bet that now that i've said that, it's going to suddenly change tomorrow. it always does. last year i figured out how life is literally like a roller coaster. this is going to sound cliché, so brace yourselves. One day you're top of the world, and your life couldn't be more perfect. then the next moment, you are depressed, and feel all alone. i try to remember this when i'm really upset, but it's hard to believe it. then, when i'm really happy, i'll think of this, and i'll get wary of something bad happening. that's probably not the most emotionally healthy way to live, but i can't help it anymore, it's automatic.
*for some unknown reason, i still have my driver's Ed. booklet (a friend's mom was supposed to have picked it up - it's borrowed), but i'm taking it as a sign that i should give in and read it, then write my G1 test. so that's what i'ma gonna do-a.

p.s. "Let My Love Open The Door" by Pete Townsend. a really great song...one of the only 80s song that i can stand. well..it's more 70s than 80s...but i'm not getting into that now

such disturbing news...i'm trying not to think about it, but i can't ignore this disgusted feeling in the pit of my stomach. all i'm going to say is this: *to all the potential parents, and even the current parents out there* you have no idea how badly you can screw up your kid's lives, by just making your own mistakes. seriously, once you're a parent, you have a lotof control over how your kids turn out, and how they feel. god. and here's a hot tip: don't bitch and whine about not being able to spend time with your kids, then when you finally do get time, don't bring along your slut of a girlfriend. and especially when you're still married!

fucking jackass.